A lot of couples spend a great deal of time, money and effort on making their wedding day special, memorable and enjoyable for everyone involved. It's an important event. You want to make it the best day possible, but you can end up focussing too much on the day itself. How much time and energy do you spend on the wedding day versus how much time and effort you spend on planning your long-term future together? The former is a lot easier to do than the latter, mainly because planning the future can be difficult as it brings up differences in preferences and priorities. Most couples do not actively plan their future, even though your marriage will have a huge affect on your life.
As a therapist I regularly see couples in crisis who never really planned their life together. A common problem is that small issues can become very big issues over a period of time if not addressed well and early. Most arguments and conflict couples experience can be prevented by working through the common issues all couples face. My general rule is the more issues you can communicate about, negotiate over and agree to, the better off you will be. Here are my top ten subjects you need to talk about;
1. Money management
2. Career goals
3. Kids and parenting
4. Friends and family
5. Sex and intimacy
6. Lifestyle (socialising, travel, quality time, etc)
7. Roles (How daily chores get done, teamwork)
8. Communication and conflict
9. Health and wellbeing (diet, exercise, etc)
10 Spiritual and religious beliefs
Looking through this list, consider how well you communicate about these topics with your partner. It’s ok if you haven’t both decided on where you stand about these issues. Your discussions with each other can be of great benefit as they bring you closer to agreement and help you become more aware of each other’s beliefs, preferences and expectations. You can become better at communicating about these personal topics, and form a deeper connection with each other through this process.
Open and respectful discussions about these issues can prevent conflict. The more of these issues you can work through together, the less you will need someone like me to umpire your future arguments. Although it is sometimes helpful to see a therapist or life coach before the conflict escalates, if you get stuck on some of these issues.
At Charleston Consulting, we offer a variety of services that can help your psychological needs. If you would like to learn more, please check out our therapy and coaching pages, and you can fill out a contact form if you require more information. Our Thrive Learning Program can also help improve your psychological skills, including relationship skills - https://www.petercharleston.com/courses