The Curse of the ‘Have-to’ Mindset

The-Curse-of-the-Have-to-Mindset-258x300  The Curse of the 'Have-to' Mindset The majority of my coaching clients are high achievers. They are busy, productive professionals and business owners who are always on the go, walking briskly as they attempt to complete long daily ‘to-do’ lists to get ahead. They achieve a lot, but there is a personal price to pay. You may be one of those people. You get things done. You work up to 100 hours a week, you love what you do, you just wish you managed it all better. You don’t seem to stop, but when you do its with a thud. You fall onto the couch or into bed exhausted. You go from noisy to quiet very quickly and then realise just how tired you are. Sometimes you can’t sleep because you just can’t turn that adrenalin off, and the ‘to-do’ list haunts you in your mind. There are days you don’t want to move out of bed. These extremes are common for high achievers. But after some time you tell yourself to toughen up and get on with things, using critical self -talk about not wanting to be weak to get you going. You are driven to succeed, there is no question about that, but by what?

If you look too close there are strong fears underneath all of this activity and achievement. It can be fear of failure, fear of success, fear of looking like a fool, fear of being poor, there are many to choose from. These fears lie underneath the ‘have to’ mindset, the belief that everything is urgent and important, has to be done now, or else something will go wrong. Imagine if this were not true, would you slow down? Change your habits? Become more realistic with your time? And your body? You can learn to self-care, to lower the bar just a little, and to have more balance, health and wellbeing. But you probably need some help with it.

Let me know what you think, peter@evolvecentre.com.au

One Response to “The Curse of the ‘Have-to’ Mindset”

  • Shae B.

    This is so true. It’s this ‘have-to mindset’ that creates so much anxiety in our day. We then forget to appreciate the quieter moments in life. Thank-you for addressing this!

    Reply

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