There is a very common belief running through our heads that finding the right partner will make us happy. This belief is dangerous and unhealthy for a number of reasons;
- How will you find someone with those magical powers? It’s expecting too much. You may be looking for a while.
- If you do meet someone who you think will make you happy, that belief puts a lot of pressure on them to ensure you are happy.
- It can lead to conflict any time you are not happy. If you criticize them whenever you are unhappy, this can reduce their self-esteem in the relationship, leading them to not be their best around you.
- The belief allows you not to take responsibility for your unhappiness, and instead you can blame them for it, keeping you stuck in immaturity and having power over your partner rather than genuine love.
Once you accept that no one person can make you happy, (they can just influence how happy you are), then the pressure is off them to perform miracles, and the responsibility is on you for being happy with who you are and how you live.
Your partner can’t get inside your head to renovate it and solve everything for you! Only you can really work on developing yourself and finding happiness within.
Acceptance that happiness is your responsibility helps you mature and let go of the need for others to provide so much for you. When this pressure eases it becomes easier for both of you to give love to each other. Acceptance allows love to flow more freely rather than as a demand or expectation that must be fulfilled. You realise that love does not fix everything, and that happiness in yourself is your challenge not theirs.
Acceptance in this context is an emotional skill that helps you learn and develop yourself, so it directly contributes to you reaching your potential.
More about finding inner happiness is contained in my book, ‘Closer’. Its available from March 1 2018, and can be pre-ordered from Booktopia if you use this link; https://www.booktopia.com.au/closer-peter-charleston/prod9781760409890.html